I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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