i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Boobs speak an international language.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
