Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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