from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
