never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I party with great urgency now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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