If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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