I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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