I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize