i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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