This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
