So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
