We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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