don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
