fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
