I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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