remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
