worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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