is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
