brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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