this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
