There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
