I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize