This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
