The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize