are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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