yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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