Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
