she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
