We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
