cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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