I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
