that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
