You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize