i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
