I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
