Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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