i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
