I hate all girls vehemently.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
