the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
