you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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