i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
