I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
