K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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