I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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