I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
