I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
