She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize