i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
