well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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