Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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