something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
