someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry about my life...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
