I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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