So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
