the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
