i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
