Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
