They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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