I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
These tits shall not be calmed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
