i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
