I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
