I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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