Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
