Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
