I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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