soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
