he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
