So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
