covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
