I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
