why didn't you poke me back
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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