i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
