Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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