I cockslap morals
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
