Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
