either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
NoShamevember. You game?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
