but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i've created a new STD.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
