I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
