So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
