i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
