This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
