I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
