Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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