You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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