I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
