Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
