I checked into jail on foursquare
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
