this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
