The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
