Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
