why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
