I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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