Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
