I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
