No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
