dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
