Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
