She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Less talking, more tequila
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
